


does growing up always have to mean goodbye?

by J____J



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Best Friends, Exes, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Leaving Home
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2019-11-14 20:34:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18059603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/J____J/pseuds/J____J
Summary: “You have to stop looking at me like that.” Jeongyeon breathes out while lifting her Raybans and finally looks at the girl beside her. They’re sitting under a big tree enjoying its shade simply watching the seconds go by.Sana tilts her head and raises one of her eyebrows in confusion, “Like what?”Jeongyeon holds her breath, counts to three and slowly exhales. While picking at the blades of grass she chuckles, “Like you’re still in love with me. You have to stop that.”





	1. Chapter 1

“You have to stop looking at me like that.” Jeongyeon breathes out while lifting her Raybans and finally looks at the girl beside her. They’re sitting under a big tree enjoying its shade simply watching the seconds go by.

Sana tilts her head and raises one of her eyebrows in confusion, “Like what?”

Jeongyeon holds her breath, counts to three and slowly exhales. While picking at the blades of grass she chuckles, “Like you’re still in love with me. You have to stop that.” 

Jeongyeon was just teasing really, but when she finally looks at Sana and notices that Sana’s gaze softens and saddens at the same time, she realizes that maybe it isn’t Sana’s fault that she’s misconstrued Sana’s normal way of looking at her with a gaze that’s filled with love. Sana did love her before and she’s pretty sure Sana still loves her now, just not in the way that she used to and unfortunately, not in the way that Jeongyeon wanted her to.

Three heartbeats go by and Sana whispers out, “I don’t know how else to look at you.” Jeongyeon’s heartbeat speeds up and she feels warm all over but her brain stops herself from reading in too much at what Sana said. It definitely doesn’t mean that Sana is still in love with her. Sana was just being Sana. Sana was just looking at her like how Sana would normally look at anyone. It was just Sana being honest - and Honest Sana was leaving for Japan in 2 days and just wanted to say goodbye to her best friend turned ex-girlfriend turned sort of best friend again, Jeongyeon. 

And so Jeongyeon does what she does best in uncomfortable situations - makes a stupid joke. “Yeah well, ya better take a good long look, Minatozaki ‘coz you won’t be seeing this beauty for 2 years!” And it was meant to be funny but it just sounded too real and too sad that Sana averts her gaze and looks at anywhere but Jeongyeon. Sana sniffles and lets out a wet laugh. 

Jeongyeon lifts Sana’s chin and says, “Hey come on, I was just joking. Two years isn’t even that long. And FaceTime exists! I can call you every day if you want me to or like every week because I have a life too, you know.” Sana shakes her head and appreciates Jeongyeon trying to make lemonade out of lemons. So she takes steadying breaths and says, “I know. It’s just that I’m going to miss you. I know that we didn’t end on the best terms, romantic relationship-wise and there are so many things I didn’t say and I just -“ 

“Hey, shhh. It’s fine. It was a long time ago. And we’re friends now right?” Jeongyeon knew she was lying to herself. It wasn’t fine and it felt like just yesterday that they decided that maybe they would be better off as just friends. But what was the point of talking about things that have been? When she and Sana broke up, they tried to stay away from each other but kept finding their way back. They were part of the same friend group from high school to university and as a result, never really figured out how to live without each other.

Jeongyeon doesn’t blame Sana for the breakup. She never could. It’s just that Sana wasn’t ready to come out to her family and Jeongyeon didn’t want to feel like someone’s best-kept secret anymore. It also isn’t like Sana didn’t get over her. Sana dated people after Jeongyeon which cemented Jeongyeon’s belief that their relationship was just that - best friends that turned into lovers that went back to being best friends.

Sana nods and looks at her watch. It’s a sailor moon watch Jeongyeon gave her for her 16th birthday when they were still in that ambiguous part of their friendship crossing over to somewhat lovers. Every time she looks at her watch, she wishes she could turn back time and just experience that again with Jeongyeon. That was six years ago, now she’s going to Japan for further studies and really, it isn’t an opportunity she’s willing to pass up but that didn’t mean that she couldn’t be sad about leaving home. She shakes herself out of those thoughts and speaks up, “Do you want to go get ice cream?” 

Jeongyeon laughs and pulls Sana up from where they were sitting, “Yeah. For old-time’s sake.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And that’s how Jeongyeon thought things would end with her and Sana, with mint chocolate chip, a waffle cone, and things left unsaid – but if there’s one thing Jeongyeon should have learned throughout everything is that things are never quite done with the two of them.

And that’s how Jeongyeon thought things would end with her and Sana, with mint chocolate chip, a waffle cone, and things left unsaid – but if there’s one thing Jeongyeon should have learned throughout everything is that things are never quite done with the two of them.

 

_-4 years ago-_

_“We can’t keep doing this.” Jeongyeon thinks to herself as she feels Sana suck on a particularly sensitive part behind her ear. They were in Sana’s bed sloppily making out. Jeongyeon’s hands find their way to Sana’s waist gently rubbing circles on her hot skin. She knows she should tell Sana what’s on her mind but as Sana’s tongue reaches her ear and Jeongyeon hears her breathe out that she loves her, she forgets about thinking and just feels._  

_Ten minutes ago, Sana was on Jeongyeon’s lap making a mess out of her neck when they heard loud footsteps approaching their room. Sana quickly got off her lap and rolled towards the bed while Jeongyeon straightened out her clothes, stood up, and looked at Sana’s weird collection of Sailor Moon merchandise on her bookshelf._

  _“Sana do you want to- Oh, hello, Jeongyeon, I didn’t know you were here. I was just going to invite Sana to come have dinner with her mom and I in this new restaurant. You should come join us.”_

  _“Hello, Mr. Minatozaki. Oh, it’s okay Sana and I just had dinner before coming here. But if she wants to go with you guys, I wouldn’t mind tagging along.” Jeongyeon answers with a coy smile and looks expectantly at Sana. Sana’s scrolling through her phone and sets it down finally looking at her Dad. Jeongyeon notices that Sana’s hands are trembling, weakly attempting to brush off the nerves from the fact that 30 seconds ago, her best friend was squeezing her ass and moaning into her ear._

  _“It’s okay, Dad. You and mom should check it out. Jeongyeon and I were planning to chill out for tonight.”_

  _“Alright, girls. But you don’t get to whine that I never invite you to things, sunshine. Love you!” He calls out while he closes the door and shoots finger guns at both Sana and Jeongyeon, seemingly oblivious to the fact that Jeongyeon’s shirt was rumpled and Sana’s hair was a mess._

  _Sana lets out the breath she’s been holding and Jeongyeon just buries her face in her hands. “We are never doing that again.” Jeongyeon says as she approaches the bed and lays down next to Sana. “Your dad is way too cool. I feel bad sneaking around your parents. I can’t keep smiling at him and pretending like I don’t shove my tongue down her daughter’s mouth when he’s not looking. I’m too nice for that, Sana.” Jeongyeon whines and pouts at her girlfriend while Sana wraps her arms around Jeongyeon and nuzzles her face on her neck. Jeongyeon giggles and runs her hand through Sana’s hair._

  _“Let’s just tell them we’re dating, Sana. I mean it’s not any different. We are literally attached to the hip. The only new thing is that they know for certain that when I sleep over her during the weekends, it isn’t the cat making all the noise.” Jeongyeon wiggles her eyebrows and that earns her a scoff from Sana and a particularly painful bite to her shoulder. Jeongyeon’s been trying to convince Sana to tell her parents of them dating but Sana doesn’t want to._

  _“I need to come out to them first.” Sana hums._

  _And that shuts Jeongyeon up. Sometimes she forgets how lucky it is to have such an accepting and understanding family. To come out to them with the truth of who she is and for them only to react with an, “Is that all?” and an, “I’ve always known.” She remembers coming out to her parents expecting drama and tears but it was just that. She was given a hug and was told that she was loved. Jeongyeon remembers calling Sana and telling her that a small part of her wanted that drama. She never imagined having to go through that drama as someone’s girlfriend._

  _This is completely alien territory to Jeongyeon. She doesn’t know what to say – can’t conjure a world where her parents would love her or look at her any differently just because she liked girls. So, Jeongyeon lifts Sana’s chin and makes Sana look up at her. “Okay, don’t worry about me. Take your time. Besides, it’s kinda exciting sneaking around with you. I feel like your best kept secret.” That earns her another scoff, another kiss, and a reminder that she shouldn’t be too full of herself._

\--- 

 

Jeongyeon's phone rings. She checks the caller ID and sees that it's an unknown number. Hesitantly, she picks it up.  

"Hello?"

"Jeongyeon? This is Jeongyeon, right?" A deep voice she would recognize from anywhere is heard through the receiver.

"Mr. Minatozaki! How are you? I'm sorry I haven't been over in so long." And she truly is. Sana's dad really is wonderful. He laughs, a deep rumble that transports Jeongyeon back to high school and university where nights would be spent around the Minatozaki dinner table with Sana's father trying his best to impress his little sunshine's best friend with his countless stories. What he doesn't know is that Jeongyeon didn't need any wild tales and life lessons to cement the fact that Sana's dad was amazing. He only needed to be Sana's dad and the fact that he raised a brilliant and beautiful girl who was sneakily holding her hand under the table was enough for Jeongyeon to be convinced that Sana's dad was pretty solid. 

 "I'm okay. Missing my little sunshine and you, of course. She's back in the motherland studying God knows what. But of course you knew that, right?" His tone was one of teasing like he knows how complicated things are with Sana and Jeongyeon but despite that he's also so certain that the two of them are going to be okay. 

 "Yeah. It's been a while since I talked to her, actually." It was actually a little more than 1 year, not that she's counting, or whatever. She tries to sound light but Jeongyeon was never really one to successfully mask her feelings. Her teenage years with Sana were a testament to that.

 "Well, that's why I'm calling! Auntie Soo's daughter is getting married in a month and she want you to come. You remember her, right?"

 Of course Jeongyeon remembers Auntie Soo, Mr. Minatozaki's neighbor. She fondly remembers Auntie Soo coming over and bringing delicious food whenever she wanted to. "Are you sure Auntie Soo's daughter wants us to be there? We weren't really close."

"Jeongyeon, Auntie Soo wanted me to invite both you and Sana so just listen to the old lady and get your butt to the wedding, okay?" There it was again. That teasing tone Mr. Minatozaki had in his voice. Jeongyeon knew that like Sana, she had a soft spot for this old man. So she just grumbles and says, "Okay, old man. I get that you miss me. I'll be there. I'm not too sure about Sana though. Last I heard -" Well, what was the last thing she heard about Sana? She doesn't remember. She knows they promised to keep in touch but it just didn't happen. As Sana stayed longer in Japan, she didn't need Jeongyeon anymore (or so Jeongyeon thought), calls were less, texts were even fewer. Sana would take forever to reply to her texts and updates so Jeongyeon just assumed that Sana was doing great in Japan and found new friends and a new life there. 

 "Ah yes, I just talked to Sana yesterday. She already agreed to go." That makes Jeongyeon's heart skip a beat. Was it weird that she was feeling all giddy and nervous while talking about the possibility of seeing her ~~ex-girlfriend~~ best friend?  

 "Oh, okay. Well, I guess I'll be seeing you in a month." She tries to keep her voice levelled. She doesn't know why she keeps pretending to be all cool and unfazed when Sana's even remotely part of the conversation when in reality she's still that twenty year old girl in love with her best friend. Jeongyeon still tries though.

 "Yes, see you then! I can't wait to see the both of you together again!" 

 "Yes, see you!" She hangs up. She tries not to overthink about what Mr. Minatozaki means by seeing her and Sana together again. There was no her and Sana and definitely no possibility of them being together again. Sana made that clear she didn't even want to stay friends with Jeongyeon when she just cold turkey stopped talking to Jeongyeon.

 Jeongyeon looks at her and Sana's text messages. Scrolls through a year of her inbox just to confirm what she already knows. After a slew of unanswered text messages, Jeongyeon's last text reads: "Hey, I'm really glad you're doing well there. I hope you always know that I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to." Jeongyeon wants to pull her hair out. Why'd she have to send such a loser last text? It sounded so desperate and sad and the worst thing is, Sana didn't even look at it nor read it. Just left it in her inbox to rot. She takes a deep breath. She wants to know why Sana stopped talking to her and hopes that she gets a semblance of an answer in that wedding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I have decided to continue this. Updates won't be constant but don't worry, I won't leave you guys hanging! 
> 
> Also, I want to know if you would guys would be comfortable reading something rated.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm apologizing in advance.

 

_3 years ago_

_Sana was just telling Jeongyeon about the play she just watched with ‘a really cute’ lead actress. Sana was too engrossed in telling Jeongyeon about the plot that she failed to notice how sulky Jeongyeon was becoming. It isn’t until Jeongyeon scoffs and rolls her eyes that Sana looks at her._

_Sana smirks. She knows Jeongyeon would rather die than tell her she was jealous so Sana takes matters into her own hands. “Well, if it makes you feel better, I think you are much cuter, Yoo Jeongyeon.” Sana squishes her cheeks and kisses her all over._

_Jeongyeon groans and pulls away and pretends to hate the affection. Sana pouts and crosses her arms. Jeongyeon chuckles. She lifts Sana's chin up and says, "I know."_

_—_

_2 and 1/2 years ago_

_“Jeongyeon, wait!” Sana grabs her wrist._

_“What, Sana? Are you going to try to convince me that we still can’t tell your parents we’re dating? And that I have to sit through your mom trying to set you up with her friend's son?” Jeongyeon removes Sana’s hand from her wrist. “Maybe we should take a break.”_

_“What are you talking about?” Sana chuckles nervously._

_“You already came out to them that you were bi, Sana. 6 months ago.” Jeongyeon sighs. “And they’re fine with it. I don’t know why you just don’t want to tell them I’m your girlfriend. Are you—“ And the words spill out of Jeongyeon’s mouth before she can think about it, “Are you ashamed of me?”_

_Sana pleads with her, "Please, just give me more time."_

_Jeongyeon just looks at her and hates how easily she relents._

__—_ _

_2 years ago_

_"So this is it then?" Sana crosses her arms, attempting to stop the tears from falling, "This is it? You don't want to be with me anymore?" She paces around their room._

_Jeongyeon's tears roll down her cheeks, "I don't know how much more of this I can take, Sana. I tried to be patient but it's too much. I can't even hold your hand in public because you're afraid of being seen. I don't know if I deserve this. It's getting harder for me to believe you love me when you can only love me in private." She's sitting at the edge of her bed wringing her hands._

_The last line breaks all of Sana's composure. Sana turns away from Jeongyeon, bites her tongue to try and stop the tears from falling. She thinks she bruised her tongue from biting down too hard but the tears fall anyway. She wants to tell Jeongyeon she's ready - ready for the hushed whispers she's going to hear when they make their way hand-in-hand around campus, ready for the acquaintances she knows she's to lose, ready for the uphill battle she knows will come their way if she goes public with their relationship, but she would be lying if she did._

_Jeongyeon tries to wrap her arms around her. Sana flinches, "Don't-" She walks to the other side of the room, "this is already hard as it is. Don't make it any harder." But Jeongyeon walks over to her side and envelopes her in her arms anyway.  They hold each other, both with shuddering shoulders trying to prevent the end they both know they are coming to._

_"Please, tell me I'm reading this wrong. Please tell me you can still wait for me to be ready." Sana whispers in a broken voice._

_"I'm-," Jeongyeon inhales, "I'm_ _tired of being your best-kept secret. I never thought I would. But I am and I hate myself for feeling this way but I do and I don't want to resent you for something that isn't your fault. What you feel is valid and I want to be there for you. I just don't know if I can keep being there for you as your girlfriend." S_ _he lets go of Sana and lifts her chin up._

 _Sana's heart breaks even more because Jeongyeon only ever lifts her chin up when she's about to kiss her or tell her something important. She wishes Jeongyeon would just kiss her and forget about this fight - wishes that this fight was just a nightmare that her mind just conjured. Her tears fall again when Jeongyeon begins to speak,_ _"I'm always going to love you and I'm always going to be here for you. But I don't think I can keep doing this."_

_"Okay, fine! Then I'm ready. Go change your Facebook status to 'in a relationship' and tag me. We're going out now and you're holding my hand." Sana begins to grab her coat while her hand reaches for the door. When Jeongyeon doesn't move, Sana's tears continue to fall. "Please, baby, let's go. I'm ready." Sana pleads._

_Jeongyeon removes the coat from her hand and pulls her back into the room. She lifts her chin up again, "Sana-"_

_Despite the tears in her eyes Sana snaps and moves her face away from Jeongyeon's hand, "Isn't this what you wanted?"_

_Jeongyeon doesn't know how she holds Sana steady when she's just as broken, "Not like this, baby."_ _Sana buries herself in Jeongyeon's arms and cries her heart out while Jeongyeon does the same._

_Sana pulls Jeongyeon into the bed and whispers, "Could you just hold me one last time?" Her eyes are tired from crying and her body was seeking rest. Sana doesn't know how she's going to deal with the truth that she and Jeongyeon are over but she decides that this is tomorrow's problem. Tonight, she was going to remember every little thing about Jeongyeon. Jeongyeon lifts her chin up. Sana sees how red and puffy Jeongyeon's eyes are and she knows hers looks the same._

_"I'm sorry." Sana whispers. Jeongyeon kisses her forehead. And what's worse is Sana knows by the way Jeongyeon kisses her that she forgives her. Sana drifts off to sleep trying to commit everything about Jeongyeon to memory._

_—_

**3 weeks before the wedding **

“What are you guys gossiping about over there?” Momo and Chaeyoung were hunched over Chaeyoung’s phone whispering to each other.

“Huh,” Momo's startled and she scrambles to hide the phone. She tries passing it off to Chaeyoung but drops it and the phone lands directly in front of Jeongyeon. Chaeyoung glares at Momo while Jeongyeon picks the phone up. Jeongyeon makes the mistake of looking down at the screen and sees a picture of Sana and some girl smiling while holding hands in front of some nice-looking building. Her heart wrenches. 

“Oh.” Jeongyeon tries to play it cool. She thinks that she could never take a photo with Sana like this when they were still together. But she pushes the thought out of her mind, shakes her head visibly that makes both Momo and Chaeyoung look at each other. Jeongyeon clears her throat, “Who’s that next to Sana?” 

“Well.. it’s the girl she’s dating.”

“Ah, that’s cool. She’s uhm.. she’s cute.” And Jeongyeon hates it. Hates the way Momo and Chaeyoung look at her pitifully because obviously Sana has moved on and is doing well in Japan while she’s still reeling from the fact that Sana never replies to her anymore.

Momo pipes up, “Well, if it makes you feel better, I think you are much cuter.”

It doesn’t. 

—

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm apologizing again.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, guys! Long time no see. Have been busy with life. I don't really know what to do with this or if I'm going to continue it. Sorry if it sucked or whatever. Tell me in the comments what you think I should do or if you have any ideas maybe we can collaborate or something!


End file.
